seconal and wine I lived on the street
I slept wherever night found me
abandoned buildings boxes always
it wants more from you
it wants you
to drink
it doesn’t mind if you die
I didn’t mind
there came a night I had nothing
I went on a roof to kill myself
I prayed first You
make the decision let me die
or live
a long sound
Wa . . . the sound of life
entered my body like a breath
held me it was warm
a bell hung in my heart
a bell of feeling
glowed in me
then the silence peace
it was then I got sober
after a vision you have to do it
so the next one can come to you
I want you to know this
sometimes I think I won’t make it
yesterday voices were singing
kill yourself this
goes on for years after the drugs
right now I’m alive grateful
if you find it hard to believe
look at me
(From A Long Sound, copyright © 1986 by Joan Larkin. Published by Granite Press, Penobscot, Maine. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced in any medium, print or electronic, without the author’s written permission, except for brief quotations in reviews.)